Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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