i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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