Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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