This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm too high and old for this...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
