8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize