Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
