y did u give ur computer a hand job?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
