eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
