The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
