Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
