so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
