yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
