when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize