Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
