Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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