I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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