Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
