So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He better not be in your backpack
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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