Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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