APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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