My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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