he thought i was a dude.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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