when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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