Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
