If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
