A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
