Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
