OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
