She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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