Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
