she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
