he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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