Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
