It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
