mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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