I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
