I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize