Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
