You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
