I must be too annoying 4 u.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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