Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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