have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
