you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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