Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
