made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
