that's an acceptable place to lick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
