what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
