I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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