Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
