This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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