i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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