i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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