I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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