I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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