I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
