i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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