question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
