I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
