the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
