I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh god it's open bar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
