I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
