I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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