wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
