I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
