ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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