Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
