they need to just BURY HIM!
I've blown a few things in my day
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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