Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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