She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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