I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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