I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize