Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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