I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
