Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
