How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
