Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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