i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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