Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
