I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
