While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
