well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
