listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
