Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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