Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize