over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
